I have learned innumerable things while being a mom. I was going to blog about that, then realized that if you have kids, you too have learned these things. And it sounded a little too much like that poster "All I needed, I learned in Kindergarten". So I decided that I would go the other way!
1. I have NOT learned how to fold a fitted sheet. I have even looked it up on Google. Yes there are directions there. No they are not clear. I have tried the suggestions. Gotten help from Martha. Gotten help from a former student who was in the Army. Gotten help from my mom. Nada. Can't do it. Now I just sort of guess, and end up wadding it up. If you ever stay at my house, the sheets will be clean. Probably. But not well folded.
2. Making coffee. I love coffee. Drink it every day. Can't make it. My lovely husband makes it; when he is gone or forgets, I bribe James. I either make it too strong or too weak. I can cook just about anything, apparently coffee isn't in that group.
3. Keep the Tupperware straight. I have tried. I have kept the lids on when not in use. I have kept the lids off when not in use. I have bundled the lids up, I have thrown the lids in. I have even shoved it all in and slammed the door shut. I have a newer set now that was supposed to help. The lids stick to the bottom. Yeah, right. Apparently they aren't toddler proof. But they are husband proof.
4. Keep the floors clean. I remember the days when I would sweep the kitchen and it would still look pretty good in a week or so. Not anymore. I am LUCKY to get through a meal. I sweep several times a day and am still amazed at the amount I can collect in the dust pan each time. Not just under the table either. I swear it breeds. I know when I haven't swept for awhile too as Josh starts to wear shoes in the kitchen to avoid getting the crumbs on his feet.
5. Pull the car into the garage. Come on. How hard can this really be? Apparently, for me, it is up there on the difficulty scale. I either pull it too far in, and squash the ladder between the car and the wall, or I don't pull it in far enough and the door shuts on it. I have contemplated putting in one of those hanging golf ball things, but that reeks of 'old' and I can't do it.Yet.
6. Clip coupons. I know. It saves money. But I don't get it done. And the few times that I have remembered to cut them out, I either leave them in the car or in my purse upon checkout.
7. I haven't learned how to load the dishwasher. I am of a mind that if you can get it in there, the machine will get it clean. Not sure what I'm thinking here. Maybe there are little men who march out of the sprayers and scrub the dishes? Or maybe there is some kind of sensor that tells it that it is overfull and to bring out the turbo spray? I don't know, nor really care. I have a lot to take care of, the least the machine could do is get the damn dishes clean. I don't care if they are double stacked or not!
8. Use the loopy things on clothes to hang them up? Huh. This one is way beyond me. I don't get it. I'll just fold it.
9. This goes with #8. Iron. I despise ironing. It is hot. It is a pain. It's constant. It doesn't last. And I don't know how. Please don't offer to teach me. I don't want to know. I will say the few times that I have tried to iron, I get one side all nice looking and start to feel ok about it, then I flip it over and do the other side. By the time I finish, the first side has one or two GIANT creases in it. Fabulous.
10. Sew on buttons. I have developed a love of hand sewing. Don't laugh. But. I. Don't. Like. Sewing. On. Buttons. First, I don't ever get it lined up straight, so then the button is crooked comopared with all his button buddies. Or I somehow bunch the fabric and it comes out wrinkled. Or I don't think about the thread color and use black on a white button down shirt. Or I draw blood because I'm just that clumsy. I also seem to have trouble getting the needle to find the proper hole of the button. Either I ram it into the button, or I come up in the same place I just was.
11. Play make believe. I love my kids. I love their imaginations. I do not love playing imagination with my kids. I can get on the floor with the best of intentions, but I am rapidly bored. I don't make doll conversations. I don't make superhero conversations. If you want to construct a block city, I'm in. Play with said city...not so much.
12. Bake. I wish I could. Kind of. I have no will power, so the more I bake, the more I eat. However, it would be nice to have cookies or cake or other sweets occasionally. Nope. Not sure if it is the altitude or the attitude, but I have stopped trying. I will certainly provide for the bake sale. But it will most definitely be break and bake. Kudos Pillsbury!
13. How to keep a nose clean. After four kids teething their way through the first two years, you would think I would be a professional nose wiper or have come up with something that stops the constant drip. Nope. We struggle with every wipe of the tissue. It becomes a battle where I have to wrestle them down, pin their arms, and hold their head still just to get a good swipe. It's a blast.
I'm sure there is more, but I have to go make dinner now. I don't know about you, but I did NOT learn all I needed in Kindergarten. Or elementary, high school, college or 15 years of marriage! These are just a few of the items that I cannot do. What can you do... but laugh til a little bit of pee comes out!
No comments:
Post a Comment