The Destroyer

Ok, perhaps calling one of your children "The Destroyer" isn't such a great thing...but it is a difficult when that is what she is.  The Destroyer was busy today.  She has learned to walk, mostly...and is pretty content to play by herself.   She has several favorite items to occupy her time.  None of them being her actual toys. 

Do you ever have days where you feel like all you do is follow children around and clean up after them?  Today was one of those days.  The dolls were out.  Not just out, but spread around the ENTIRE upstairs.  They must have been playing 'dolls intercept a tornado and get flung to the outer parts of the universe'.  Then the tissue box...wow I had NO idea that Kleenex could be shred so small so quickly.  The coasters.  There is just something (apparently) satisfying about the sound they make when with drop off the table for the 437th time.  The balls.  Enough said.  The Tupperware.  (My spell checker says it should be capitol.  I didn't realize Tupperware was a proper name.  What would you call it? Disposable storage container?) What is it about Tupperware and kids?  Don't they know that I am slightly crazy and not to mess with my Tupperware!  The laundry.  Ok, I've complained about the laundry before, but why is it that she has to pull the clean, folded laundry out of the basket and drag it around? Seriously.  I don't know why I care, it's not like the boys are going to actually put it in a drawer before they wear it. 

Even with all these fun things, the two play items I was primarily thinking about today was, 1.  The dog water.  Ivy LOVES the dog water.  Play in it, splash in it, tip it over, probably drink it.  But her absolute favorite thing to do is put the dog's food in it.  Have you ever seen dog food that is bloated by hours of water?  Oh yeah.  Super yummy.  Think pancake in water.  Or bread.  Or let's see...a greasy crouton that has been floating for awhile.  Now, I have discovered over the years (as it seems that they all have gone through this stage) that 1.  If you move the dog food across the room, that helps.  They sort of forget what they are doing holding the dog food.  Well, not Scarlett, she just ate it.  And was allergic to it because it had either milk or eggs in it.  Or both.  I never bothered to look.  Also, not Ivy.  Nope.  She carries it across the room and drops it in.  LOTS of it.  Discovery 2.  Dog food, even when soggy with water does NOT go down the drain.  Don't try it.  You end up picking it out of the drain with your fingers.  Nope, not even a utility sink.  Let me tell you....soaking, soggy, sloppy dog food is not fun to pick out of the drain.  Also, don't dump it outside on a bush.  It does not disappear magically by summer.  This leads to Ivy, aka "The Destroyer's" newest addition to the dog food.  Josh and I were in the kitchen trying to catch up on the day, the older three were watching "Scooby Doo" (which for the record is just as entertaining now as when I was a kid, although I am a bit more jealous of Daphne) and all was silent.  The movie ended, and Josh was headed to the garage when he called me into the laundry room.  Floating happily in the dog's water was a sweet little pair of tennis shoes.  Not one shoe.  Both shoes.  Matching.  Ivy, sneakily crawled into her room, grabbed her shoes, and crawled out with them (or walked, but crawling, with one in her mouth makes a better picture) and dumped them in the water.  There they sat.  Floating happily.  Amongst the dog food.

The Destroyer's other favorite toy right now is similar but far more gross.  Yep.  The toilet.  She loves it.  Tries to get in it, especially when you sit down to pee.  Now, I have taken precautions against this, but either she really likes the potty or she is fairly bright.  Perhaps both, but I am leaning towards the former.  I shut the lid...she opens it.  I take off the potty seat, make sure the light is off and shut the lid.  She apparently loves the dark and opens it.  I shut the door... but, have four children, three of whom are potty trained (although not flush trained) and they just leave the door open.  Tonight, I sent Scarlett in to go potty before bed and she comes flying out in tears because something is wrong in the potty.  Ok, warning...this can mean MANY different scenarios, none good.  I go in to investigate.  Guess what I find.  Bet I'm going to surprise you.  Poop.  Pee.  And a box of those flushable wipes.  The whole box.  Not just a wipe or two, or even 12.  The whole box.  The plastic, pop-up thingy.  Hmmm.  Problem.  That won't flush.  And apparently the poop/pee has been there awhile.  Do I flush and then retrieve, or retrieve then flush?  Leave it for someone else to find?  Is there a door number four? Well, door three is out because, well, I'm thinking I'm it.  I went with option number one and a pair of gloves.  There are some things they should teach in sex ed...but what can you do but laugh until a little bit of pee comes out!