Baby Chicks

Baby Chicks

Ok, so I should have done this post four months ago, but time has gotten away from me.  Again.  With finishing school for me- finals and the ACT tests, the four kids finishing school, emptying out my classroom, and then getting everyone home for summer, I just didn't have time.  However, as of today, everyone is back at school at least part time and I feel like I can breathe at least for a moment.  

SO, on top of all the stuff I needed to do for work, the kids, the dog, cat, husband, and house, I thought it would be fun (well, actually, I felt obligated) to babysit the baby chicks being raised in Scarlett's class.  Her teacher took on the project of hatching and raising these babies.  She asked that everyone take a turn with taking them home at night and also the weekends.  I waited as long as I could, then finally signed up.  Thank goodness we didn't get stuck with a weekend. 

The momentous day finally arrived; I finished my classes, and as usual raced down the halls to pick up my girls.  Here is a mental picture:  Me, dressed up and in heels, my four year old who claims her feet aren't working and she cannot possibly walk the length of the school to my car AND carry her backpack, which incidentally has nothing in it and her coat.  My six year old with her backpack and coat.  One large tote box with eight chicks in it, a heat lamp, water dish, and food.  Back to the high school wing we go.  I lock up my classroom and add to the totals 65 essay's, laptop, and purse.  We head to the car.  

If anyone knows Colorado, you know we have beautiful weather.  Perfect.  Except for the wind.  The wind is terrible.  Really really horrible sometimes.  I would take a blizzard, thunderstorm, or monsoon, before the wind.  This, of course, is one of those times.  We step out of the school into gale force winds.  I'm not kidding.  It was gusting up to 65 mph that afternoon.  The chicks little feathers were getting ruffled literally, and mine were getting ruffled figuratively.  As they hopped around, I hoped they couldn't fly.  That would make this super fun scene even more fun.  

I finally get to my car, with the girls, their bags, my bag, eight chicks, heat lamp, food, and the dish for the water, because the water is all over the cage by this point....I get the girls in and manage to squeeze the tote into the front seat.  Off we go....

When we arrived home, we did everything in reverse.  There was one small detail that I had forgotten about.  I was bringing small birds into my home.  A home that I share with a blind/deaf dog and a most decidedly NOT blind/deaf CAT.  Who would like nothing better than to stalk, kill, and eat Scarlett's classroom pets.  There was only one place that I could foresee them being safe.  The powder room.  We double checked it for the hairball, and set the babies up in there.  

The evening passed uneventfully.  My kids loved having them, the cat was intrigued by the sounds and smells coming from that room, the dog didn't know anything, and Josh and I decided we NEVER want to raise chickens.  In the morning, we loaded up the car, this time with four children rather than two and made our way back to school to return the complete and still living set of baby chicks to the next babysitter.  

A skiing we will go....

Yes, you read that correctly.  We went skiing.  Yes, we have four children.  Yes, most of them are under ten.  Yes, one is only four.  And yes, we have Scarlett  who thinks skiing involves mostly sitting by the fire drinking cocoa.

We went to Eldora (just west of Nederland, which is west of Boulder) for the day on Saturday.  The weather couldn't have been more perfect...sunny, warm, and no breeze anywhere else, except Eldora.  Do to the lack of wind in the rest of the state, the normal gale-force winds were only raging at a mere 20 mph.  It was perfect.

We packed the night before.  I asked the obvious questions:  do you have your gloves?, hat?, snow pants?, winter coat?  It was a minor nightmare getting all of it together, but we seemed to get it accomplished.  We even managed to make a lunch complete with highly nutritious ham and salami sandwiches, chips, pop, and cookies.  We decided that we needed to leave fairly early in the morning in order to get the girls to their lessons on time.  We managed to leave only ten minuets later than we thought...this included the time it took to look for James's winter coat that he swore was in his locker and that ABSOLUTELY must have walked during the night into his bedroom and under his bed...

Finally, we started out.  The kids were happy, daddy was happy, even mama was happy.  We were lucky and got a decent spot to park at the hill and proceeded to get dressed.  It was super fun....muddy and icy all in the same time parking lot...six people, six coats, six hats, six goggles, six snow pants, six neck warmers, twelve boots, twelve mittens, a cooler, a pair of skies, and a pair of poles.  Did I mention it was muddy?  And icy? And windy?  Holy cow.  If you know my family (the Miller's) we don't mess around.  You get your crap on in the car, and you are ready to go the second dad put the vehicle in park.  Everyone carried their own stuff and you sure as hell didn't complain about it.  Not so on the Nelson side.  Everyone piled slowly out of the car, and it seems that in the span of ten hours, all of the ski equipment had moved from one bag to another, or completely jumped ship.  All I can say is I had all my stuff....as did the girls for whom I packed....

I got the girls assembled and sent off with daddy to get to their lesson while the boys and I finished getting ready.  By this time, I am super wound up...I haven't skied in three years and am ready to go!  Josh is taking forever because there are a HUGE number of little ones taking classes...I gather up all his stuff and head to the chalet with the boys, my skis, and poles in tow.  We get to the chalet, meet up with Josh and make our way to the ticket counter where we wait in line to pay for our tickets and the three boys' rental gear.  We then meander around the counter where we wait in line for boots, another line for skis, and yet another for poles.  FINALLY, we are ready to hit the slopes.  Keep in mind, I have been ready now for nearly 45 minutes.  Oops, forgot to mention that Josh needed to take all the boots back to the car and switch my sunglasses for goggles.  In my ski bag.  In the pocket.  In their own special bag, which I clearly said...he came back with the wrong ones....really old ones:)  Back to the car he went.  Ok, now, we are ready to go. Uh, no.  Josh's boots aren't fitting and he needs to go back for new ones.  I quit.

 I took James (Abraham wanted to wait for his dad) and we went up the mountain.  One and a half hours AFTER WE ARRIVED.  All I could think about was my own father.  He would have been drinking by this time.  James and I made our first run of the day.  It was awesome.  Magnificent.  Incredible.  I forgot how much I loved skiing.  After a couple more issues with Josh's boots, James having a melt down and skiing with his coat open so that he looked like Batman, and Bram nearly getting run over because he was laying down on the slope, we had an incredible day.  The snow was fast, the hill not too crowded, our sandwiches terrific, the sun was shining, and the wind, well the wind blew.  But it was so much fun.  The girls did awesome in their lessons, and we had a fabulous time.

It was crazy, tiring, wet, muddy, icy, crowded, and amazingly fun and totally worth the time, stress, and energy it took to make it happen!  I cannot wait to go again....SOON!

What Happens Before?

This one is interesting...at least to me!  In conversation with the girls, they have convinced themselves that when they grow up, they are going to be babies, which is bazaar in and of itself...however, lately Ivy has been telling how she was made.  Thank goodness they don't know the gory details, but what she has been saying has stuck in my head.

She says:  "When I opened my eyes, before I was born, I saw God."  and "When God told me to open my eyes, I did."  I asked her what she saw, and she said it was really bright, sparkly, and white.  That she saw God and Jesus and the angels.  She also said "It was really loud (from singing) and she had to cover her ears."

I don't know what to think about this, but we have heard plenty of stories of near death experiences.  I definitely don't think she was near death, but maybe she was near life?  She says it with such conviction and belief, that I cannot help myself from thinking that it really did happen. I know we have talked about different parts of heaven, and what we think it to be like, but how she came up with such detail I don't know.

She tells me what Jesus looked like, how His voice sounded to her and what He did and said.  He asked her to come towards him...which she obeyed, (proof enough that she saw what she said she saw)!  She said He got down off of His "Really tall and big chair" and was sitting on His knees.  He gave her a hug.  I asked if He was sitting alone.  "No, mom!  Jesus is never alone, He is with us always.  (Her tone of voice indicating that I am the stupidest person on the planet at that moment).  And He was sitting next to God and the angels were all around too" she continued.   I asked what color hair He had, she laughed and said that most people think He is blond like her, but that it was really really dark, but glowed too.  And He had a beard.  She doesn't care for beards though, so that wasn't said with awe, but more disturbance.  She said His eyes were brown and His skim was darker, comparing it to a friend of ours who has darker skin.

Again, I don't really know what to make of all this, but I thought it too important of an observation to let fall through the cracks.  If God truly allows us to see His face before we are born, how amazing.  But if He does and we cannot remember, how truly sad.  Maybe that is what adults are searching for throughout their lives.  We are trying to get back into the close proximity we once shared with Him who knit us together?

Rapunzel's Tower

We have finally moved into our new house!  While it was not as smooth as we hoped, think schlepping the kids, dog, and cat, to different hotels for seven days while our house finished up enough to get the Temporary Certificate of Authenticity, we are in place!

We have lots of places for the kids to play here (One of them NOT being the yard, as it is not in yet...). However, we have this amazing loft that leads outside to a tower.  We planned it this way so that grandparents would have their own entrance when visiting and so the children could sneak out easier when they are teenagers.  We have started calling it the Rapunzel Tower.  The boys thought I was joking, but alas, no.  I am not joking.  They love it up there, and so do we.  And I love that movie, hence the name.

Do to the addition of the Rapunzel tower, the kids have been playing Tangled.  Which is really cute.  We have Flynn Ryder, the wicked mother, Gothel,  Rapunzel of course, and either the bad guys played jointly by one child, or Pascal the Chameleon.

While I was cooking dinner the other day, I was listening to them playing this game.  I was so proud of them; they were playing so well together, everybody was getting along.  It was amazing.  Then.  Oh, then.  They got to the part of the movie where Rapunzel smashes the frying pan over Flynn Ryder's head?  Yep.  Ivy used the frying pan from the girls's kitchen and walloped Abraham over the head with it. (At least he didn't end up locked in a cupboard).  He came staggering down the stairs, his eyes slightly unfocused and explained what happened.  OMG, I was trying so hard not to laugh I was shaking and tears were running down my face.  I got the poor kid an ice pack and explained to the others that perhaps we should not use an actual frying pan to play Rapunzel?  They tried to tell me that that was the way the movie went, and I suggested that we use paper plates with sticks for the frying pan.  They reluctantly agreed, but only because I told them there would be no more Rapunzel at all if this wasn't the case.  So on we go...what can you do but laugh?

Oil vs Water

.....Based paint that is.  You would think I would learn.  Sometimes I do.  I have moments when I'm like "Hey, now THAT is a good idea, if I do say so myself!"  But MOST of the time, i bumble through and make a lot a mistakes.  Stupid ones. Occasionally colossal ones.  I have wondered of late why painters where those white haz-mat looking jumpsuits.  Not something that is normally on my radar, but because we are to the point on our new house that we are getting paint, I have been seeing a bunch of men running around looking like official painters (vs unofficial?)

Anyway, Josh is out of town this weekend and I decided that it was a good time to get the barn wood that we need polyed-up.  The sun was out and it was beautiful.  So I set up the saw horses, the extension cords, paint gun (because the first time I attempted this it took me two full days by brush to get through about six boards...I have about 94 to finish).  Had my water, sunglasses, shorts and t-shirt and went to town.

I have never actually run a paint gun before.  Wow, what a blast!  Totally beats painting with a brush. I even read the directions...at least kind of.  But it really wasn't that hard.  The first thing I noticed was that you tend to go through the paint really fast.  You want to have your ducks in a row and be ready to go.  The second thing, the amount of air is important.  I'm pretty sure this was in the directions somewhere, but I didn't get that far.  You also need to make sure that it is not a windy day.  While I did get that far in the directions (and even in my brain) there really is no such day in Colorado in the spring.  It was not calm today, but not too bad, just a slight breeze.  Perfect.

I had the boys helping me haul the boards from the driveway to the empty lot next door and load them on the saw horses.  Abraham soon lost interest, but James hung with me most of the day.  It took me awhile to figure out the amount of air vs poly vs direction of the sprayer to get everything working together, but when it did....OMG!  Wow.  Amazing.  I zoomed through 34 boards and two gallons of poly in no time.  The hardest part was waiting for everything to dry so I could move boards around.  About the middle of the 34 boards, James said, "Mom, do think the neighbors think you are weird or are they just used to you and all of your crazy projects?"  Hmmm.  Not sure I want to answer that question son.  Not sure they are going to be all that sad when we move though.  :)

I worked my way through the poly and decided that I was done for today.  So, I read the directions on how to clean this fabulous machine, got everything put away, and went to take a shower.  As I was struggling (And ultimately failing) to get the poly off, it occurred to me that painting with a sprayer in a slight breeze in flip flops, shorts, and tank were maybe not the best idea.  It finally dawned on me why the painters wear haz mat suits.  They don't want to actually take a bath in paint thinner.  I washed, scrubbed, rubbed, and still the stuff is covering me.  I'm thinking that I am going to wake up in the morning stuck to my bed.  And shiny.  However, I also think that I will wear pants and long sleeves tomorrow when I go back to work!  What can you do but laugh until a little bit of pee comes out!

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

It is April 16th, 2013.  Really.  You wouldn't know it if you stepped outside however.  There is a least 14 inches of snow.  No, this is one time when I am not exaggerating .  There is really 14 inches of snow.  And there is more coming tonight.  I have heard as much as 12 inches more.  We are listening to Christmas music.  Seriously.  Santa Baby just started to play.  This photo was this morning.

The kids had swimming (another blog, another time) and we were eating dinner after we got home.  During dessert, I looked out the window and across this little creek thing that is behind the house, and what to my wondering eye should appear, but the family of foxes that live there.  The red one that we think is the mom came out first and made sure it was safe.  She was followed by her babies.  I tried to get pictures through the window which didn't work very well, but you can see them a little.  If you look past the falling snow. **UPDATED picture with no snow***

They played for a bit, then went back inside.  As we were cleaning up, I looked out the window again...and this time we saw a heard of deer.  There were 7 females, including two yearlings.  This weekend I also got a couple of pictures of what we think is the male fox.  Super shy, but very cool looking.  This one is black with a white tipped tail.  

These pics were obviously NOT today.  This was on Sunday afternoon.  We think he is hunting, but are (obviously) not sure.  As we get closer to moving, we will certainly miss all the wildlife, not to mention the people in this neighborhood.  Even times of excitement bring pangs of sadness...I will not however, miss the 30 minute one-direction car ride to pick up the children when it is snowing balls instead of flakes.  In April.  

What if...

This post is dedicated to Scarlett. My dear, sweet, precious Scarlett.  Who has developed quite an imagination   I love that.  Really.  Especially when she is playing dolls with her sister, or house, or dress up, or damsel in distress with her brothers.

When I don't love it is when we are in the car.  Or rather, when I am stuck in the car with her.  And cannot GET AWAY.  It seems there is something about being locked into the car that sets her mind going.  And then the questions start.  And go, and go, and go, and go.  She is like the energizer bunny, but you cannot remove her batteries.

"Mom, what if we get into a car accident? (Which is probably normal, and if not, just you wait) And the police didn't come? And the car was on fire?  And you got stuck?  What would we do?"

Are you serious?

Or there is "Mom?  What if Bram was really a werewolf and you didn't know?  What if he attacks us? Would he like pancakes?  I bet he would want sprinkles."

Ummm, where do I go with this?

How about "Mom,what if we were aliens and the police were coming to get us?  What would we do?  Or what if I was a princess, and the police didn't believe you and they thought you were joking and they wanted to take me to Disneyland.  In Florida?"  Because the "In Florida" is what I needed for clarification?  Seriously?


"What would do if the cows were not cows but horses?"  Or this one "Mom, why do we have to call horses, horses? Why did God (or Adam or sometimes Jesus) not call them cows?"

Ummm, well, because He named them horses.  And actually, he did not name them horses, because they were not speaking English.  Which obviously led to "Mom, then why do we speak English?  Why don't we talk the way God/Adam/Jesus [talked] sic?

This is the time where I turn the music up.  It doesn't really stop the questions, but holy cow, how in the H am I supposed to answer things like this?  Really?  It frightens me, or perhaps I should be glad, maybe she is the next Stephan King?  Or maybe I should just laugh until a little bit of pee comes out?  I'm sure she would have a "what if" question about that too though....


UPDATE:
Since I last posted this, I have been paying a bit more attention and trying to remember specific what if questions.  Here are a few

1.   What if our plane tipped over? (This while snuggling in bed, not discussing airplanes)
2.   What if our car filled up with snow?
3.   What if our car filled up with snow and tipped over?  In a lake?
4.   What if Lucy (the dog) gets cold?
5.   What if Ana gets outside in the snow and cannot find her way back inside?
6.   What if the foxes get into the house and hunt for Lucy?  Ana?
7.   What if the washing machine didn't wash anymore?
8.   What if there was no school?
9.   What if I didn't get up in the morning?
10.  What if we fall in the snow?

It goes on and on and on and on and on....are you drinking yet?  I am....

Bad boys bad boys whatcha gonna do...

I know, I know.  A weird, misspelled title for a blog, right?  Well, if you are my father, you will know immediately what this is in reference to, and if not, your enlightenment is coming.  

This post is about Abraham.  Again.  I am really starting to sense a trend.  This does NOT bode well for his future.  Or mine.  One Friday night I received a call from Abraham's teacher.  I make it a point to always back up the teachers.  I go on the assumption, at least at first, that they know what they are talking about and probably my children have lied to me to get out of trouble.  As was the case this evening.  Miss M called to tell me that Bram had been busted for stealing.  Fab. U. Lous.  Again.  

So the story, from teacher, is "The students were cleaning up at the end of the day and 'Susie' placed her bracelet on her desk.  When the cleanup was done, the bracelet was missing.  The students searched high and low in the classroom.  No bracelet.  Then everyone was asked to check their pockets.  No dice.  Finally, Miss M said that she would check everyone's pockets one at a time until the bracelet was found.  Shockingly, someone found it!  Bram!  Right under his desk.  Under pressure he finally confessed that he took it because it was pretty."  OMG! Because it was pretty?  What was he going to do with it?  Sell it on Ebay?  Give it to his sisters?  Wear it?  Hoard it?  Who knows.  Who cares.  Now my son is a kleptomaniac  Or, as I prefer to call him, a magpie (he likes to pick up shiny pretty things to bring home to his nest).

I reassured Miss M that we would punish him at home and let her know what that punishment was.  Also, if she felt it needed to be done, that we would back her up with whatever punishment she and the school thought appropriate.  After I got home that night, Josh and I discussed what we thought the punishment should be.  We sent him to bed with "You will be punished, but we are not sure how yet.  Try not to worry." He was freaking out...which we wanted.  

As this was not the first time we have had this problem (However, this was the most severe) and he had been warned, we decided that it was time to put the fear of well, if not God, then the LAW in him.  Oh, yes.  Saturday morning, Josh called the Loveland Police Department.  He explained the situation.  They were FANTASTIC.  They offered to come out to the house or, if we preferred, we could come down to the station.  We opted for the latter.  With just Bram; we didn't want to have the whole "field trip" effect if we brought the rest of the herd.  

We drove downtown and were buzzed in (it was Saturday) and asked to wait.  We sat out in the lobby and waited for an on duty police officer to come out.  She did.  She was incredible.  Didn't smile; was polite, but not nice; fully 'dressed' with gun, taser, handcuffs, the whole bit.  She was very serious with him, and told him that as of age ten (he is 8), he could be arrested and there was nothing that mom and dad could do about it.  That he was on a really bad path, and only he could get off.  She said that she didn't want to ever see him in the police department again.  Then we got to go to the booking area.  We saw the fingerprinting place, mugshots, holding cells, and one actual jail cell.  She talked to him the whole time explaining things and letting him ask questions.  I enjoyed our little tour, and he was educated.  We were escorted out and said our goodbye's and thank you's.  

We got in the car and drove home, talking to him about the consequences of our actions.  That everything we do has a consequence; some good, some bad.  In this case, his choices/consequences were not leading to positive rewards.  He seemed to get it.  After we returned home, we had him write an apology letter to Miss M, 'Susie', and the class.  We then emailed Miss M and let her know what we had done.  We asked that he be allowed to read his apology letter aloud to the class on Monday, to which she agreed.  

Some might think this a bit extreme.  But, like I said  before, he is a repeat offender and we felt like we needed to do something powerful to communicate to him.  As far as I know, he has not exercised his five finger discount recently, so we shall see what the future brings!  

What can you do, but laugh until a little bit of pee comes out!

O Tannenbaum! Again....

This was our year to NOT go to the mountains to cut down our tree.  Not only is it stressful, freezing, deep snow, AND it is impossible to find the 'perfect' tree, but it didn't last.  I thought that by cutting the tree and getting it into water right away, it would last forever.  Nope.  It barely made it to Christmas and I was afraid to turn the lights on for fear that we would become a Christmas fire statistic.

Therefore, this year we decided to stay in town.  We went to a garden store that I love and that is five minutes from our house.  And was not cold (nearly 65 degrees), and there was no snow, and I didn't have to yell at the kids at all.  Fab. U. Lous.

I found the perfect tree.  Really.  It was AMAZING.  Gorgeous, perfect on all sides.  Not too tall, fat, or expensive.  Love at first sight.  So, we decided to take it home.  I had the brilliant (if I say so myself) idea of bringing our trailer hitch basket along, so we could just bungeed the tree to that and off we went!  We even got a free poinsettia!  As we were having the lower branches cut off, Josh mentioned the fact that it had a really thick trunk.  I, of course, said No, it will be fine.

It was not fine.  It was huge.  Really really enormous.  The biggest diameter Christmas tree trunk I have ever seen.  We got the thing home and went to put the stand on before we brought the tree in which was a lesson learned several Christmas's ago.  We have used the same tree stand for 15 years.  NEVER had a problem.  You stick the tree in, tighten up the 17 screw things and you are good to go.

Problem #1:  The trunk didn't fit into the stand.  I tried several different directions, shoving, cursing, hammering, to no avail.  SO, we had to take the saw and shave off the ends of the trunk to make it skinnier so we could fit in in the stand.  The kids thought it was Parmesan.

Problem #2:  The kids thought the tree shavings were Parmesan   Oh, yes they did.  Once anyway.

Problem #3:  The 17 little screw things?  Had nowhere to screw in.  This shouldn't be a problem right?  Cause the trunk is in the stand so tight it cannot possibly move.

Problem #4:  Getting the darn thing in the house.  Forgot to move stuff out of the way and it was HEAVY.  So we generally plowed over stuff and cleaned up afterward.

Problem #5:  There in no room in the stand for water.  The trunk filled the receptacle that you are supposed to fill with water.  Therefore we had to fill the tree several times a day to keep the thing somewhat fresh.

When all of these problems had manifested themselves and had been resolved, we decorated.  I enjoy this time, especially since the boys are old enough to help with the lights.  This has been my job since I was 4 years old and I don't like doing it; I was more than happy to pass the buck to my children and their dad!   We finally finished the tree and I sat down to admire our work.

As I sat there looking at the tree, I said to Bram, who was finishing up his ornaments, "Is the treE TIPPING!!!  And, yes it was.  Because it was so heavy, because the trunk was so large, because all the ornaments were on one side, because the stars were aligned just right, who KNOWS or cares, the tree tipped over.  I did manage to catch the tree before it got to the ground AND we only lost two ornaments. Not too shabby.  We got the darn (and by darn, I mean darn with an M) tree back upright, held up with wires running to two different parts of two different walls, the ornaments back on, the lights back on, and the glass cleaned up in record time.

Finally, we got to sit down and enjoy our "Perfect" Christmas tree!  What can you do, except laugh until a little bit of pee comes out!

Abraham's Shoes

Yes, I know.  It has been awhile.  I really long while.  In fact, the only reason that I am typing now is that I succumbed to peer pressure. A friend of mine was miffed that I hadn't posted for awhile, so I decided to get back on the wagon, so to speak.  

A couple of weeks ago, I left for work a little early.  I had gotten the kids up, dressed, and they were eating breakfast when I finally headed out.  I figured I would have an extra hour or so to get some things done without the girls hanging over my shoulders.  About 40 minuets later my phone rings.  Figuring it was Josh, I answered it.  He said 

"Um.  I am almost to school, and we have a problem."

Me:  "Let me guess.  One of the boys forgot their lunch again."

J:  "Ah, noooo"

Me:  "Someone forgot their backpack?  Homework?  Reading Book?"

J:  "Nope."

Me:  "Ok, I give.  I'm really busy, what is it?"

J:  "Well.  Abraham forgot his shoes."

Dead Silence. Truthfully.  That is really tough to accomplish with me around.  Finally,

"He what?"

"He forgot his shoes.  What do you want me to do about it?"

Why is it, that it almost always falls to mom to fix these matters?  So I said, "Well, he can just go in his socks all day.  He won't be able to participate in gym or recess and he will probably be cold, but it won't kill him.  Would you please walk him in and explain the issue please?"

"Sure"

The End, right?  NOPE.  A few minuets later my phone rang again.  "So, apparently it is against the Health Department  rules that kiddo's are barefoot (well that makes sense) and the lost and found is empty" ('cuz people don't bring extra shoes to school and then leave them.  Coats, yes, shoes, generally they are on your feet and stay there).  "He is sitting in the office and will stay here until we get him some shoes."  Did I mention that we live about 30 minutes away from school?  One way?

"FABULOUS.  Can you run to Walmart and get him a cheap pair?"

J:  "AH, no because I need to get to work."

I am thinking, TOUGH!  I am already here!  But whatever..."Ok, FINE.  I will go get him some."  So I ran to Target and of course there was nothing cheap to be had.  I found a pair that I was pretty sure was going to fit him, jumped back in the car and back to school.  I walked in to the office and saw Abraham sitting there with no shoes and much to my surprise, no SOCKS!  Somehow I had missed the fact that he had no socks either.  So, not only did he get into the car with no shoes on, but he also walked across the the garage floor and the driveway in 25 degree weather with no shoes or SOCKS and he didn't realize his mistake until 3 minuets from school?  I am starting to wonder at my son...he is after all 8.  I understand that it is my responsibility to make sure he is dressed appropriately for the weather (jeans vs shorts jackets vs a t shirt) but I kind of assumed that in second grade socks and shoes in the winter went without saying.  I guess not.

It all ended well.  He made it to class not being too late and he scored a cool new pair of shoes.  Doesn't sound so bad, does it?  Well, he paid me back.  He was sentenced to 3 hours of manual labor with me the next afternoon.  It ended up being a great gig for me as well because I had someone to help me with all the yucky chores that were on my list!  I know, I should have had him pay for the shoes.  I thought about it.  However, just the DAY before, he had to purchase a new t-shirt from me because he poked holes in a clever little pattern in his shirt with a screwdriver that he was not supposed to have.  It was not a good week for Abraham.  His allowance money is rapidly disappearing and I didn't have the heart to charge him more.  So, manual labor it was.  What can you do, but laugh...until a little bit of pee comes out!

The Flood of 2012

So Josh was out of town on a "business" trip...and I was home with the kiddos.  This was the second trip in two weeks, so I was feeling a bit frazzled...frayed...fried...shall I continue?  Anyway, I had put the girls in the tub, got them clean and left them to play for a couple of minutes.  The girls are old enough to be fine in the tub for awhile, and this is a normally occurring phenomenon.  I was in the living room, half listening.  I was really only paying attention to their voices...that there were in fact two, and the sound level was normal and not choking or drowning or anything too crazy.

As I was waiting for them to finish, it suddenly dawned on me that, yes I was hearing the girls.  Yes, they were fine...having fun even; it was the other sound that caught my attention.  The sound of water.  Splashing.  Loudly.  Outside of the tub.  Don't ask me how I knew it was outside of the bathtub, I just did.  

So like any well educated adult, I waited to make sure I had really heard the sound I thought I did.  Yes, I really did.  I went flying into the bathroom and literally stepped into water.  Not a drop or two of splashed water, not even a puddle.  Closer to a pond.  Perhaps a lake even.  The water was over the tops of my feet.  Gasp.  Horror.  Are you freaking kidding me?  and OMG!  all rolled into one.  Ivy nearly emptied the tub onto the bathroom floor.  With a cup.  It took 15 towels to dry it up.  The floor has never been so sparkly.

I finally finished schlepping the towels into the washer and was thinking, WINE!  When Abraham hollers up from the basement.  "MOM!   There is water dripping from the ceiling!"  Of. Course. There. Was.  There had been so much water on the floor, that it had come down through the air vent into the room below.  Now I'm thinking cave in, ruined drywall, ruined tile, black mold, hysterical phone calls to husband, holy cow!  I called my builder friend.  He wasn't around.  I called my dad.  He calmed me down and we discussed options.  My builder friend called back, he had the same options.  Dry it out.  SHOULD be fine.

That is the story of the flood of 2012.  What can you do, but laugh until a little bit of pee comes out?

February 4th, 2012

Within the last two days, Loveland, as well as much of the rest of the state was hit by a snow storm.  It was great; we haven't had much this year, it was beautiful, and fast moving. It is already starting to melt.  However, a three-day-weekend was created.  Which wasn't planned for.  I like planning.  Not one for surprises.

I decided that with everyone home and locked in, we would hammer out potty training for Ivy.  I have attempted this a couple of times, but have caved.  I'm not sure what it is about the youngest, but that child gets away with MURDER!  So, Friday, she does pretty well.  We set the timer, and she managed to get to the potty a number of times.  Today.  Well, that didn't go so well.  Starting this morning.  I conveniently had a hair appointment.  Of course I couldn't miss THAT! So I left Joshie in charge.  Apparently it is not called babysitting when they are your kids, but whatever, he was in charge.

I asked him to set the timer for Ivy at 30 minutes as she went pee just before I left.  About 20 mins later, I received a text saying "Accident #1" right before potty break.  Thirty mins later, on the way to potty break, she had another accident.  Then yet another one on the Stripey chair and pillow, followed by a text questioning as to whether he should clean it up or wait for me to get home.  Really?  I didn't happen to see that text, so he decided to leave it for me.  Yippee.

There were at least three before I got home.  Not a great start to the day...and it didn't get much better from then on.  Josh and I both heaved a sigh of relief when she went down for a nap.  An hour and a half when she was in a pull-up.  No pee.  No poop.  No being peed on.   No hanging out in the bathroom.  No asking if anyone has to pee.  No wiping bottoms.  Or fronts.

We needed to run a couple of errands after quiet time, so we threw the kids in the car.  Well, not exactly threw them, but...well, whatever.  We got home just in time for dinner, which was chili, yummy!  Always well received.  Mom had sent the kids Valentine cards and cute glasses, so we let them open them before dinner; the cards are darling, but if I have to hear "Anything you want, you got it!  Anything you need, you got it!"  One more time I'm gonna hurl.

Speaking of hurling.  I was hustling to get the bread in the oven and the food dished up when I looked down.  Great. The dog had puked up her dinner.  Then the boys came tearing into the kitchen and stepped in more dog vomit.  Then we discovered the third pile on the carpet.  Is there a reason the dog has to travel and puke? The discovery of all the puke was happening at the same time all four of them were ripping open their cards and playing FOUR different songs.  AND Abraham had turned the music on downstairs FULL BLAST and Josh had yet more music playing in the living room.  Complete, Horrific, Utter chaos.

Dinner wrapped up quickly, and I went to work on the carpet.  Keep in mind I had already cleaned the carpet in several places today, along with the cushion to the chair and a throw pillow.  Now I'm cleaning the puke.  THEN.  Josh starts screaming at me from the bathroom.  Fab-u-lous.  Ivy has pooped AND peeded in her panties.  In Scarlett's room.  So, we are cleaning her, the bathroom floor, the carpet in the living room, and the carpet in Scarlett's room.

There is still one more day to this weekend.    Day three better be better than day two or she might enter high school in diapers.  Just Kidding.  Kind of.

Oh Tannenbaum!

Let me tell you about our Sunday.  We decided that we should cut our own tree down this year.  We have just gone to the lot the last couple years, usually due to me; finally I wasn't pregnant or nursing so we thought "Let's GO!"
A word, first, about cutting down Christmas Trees in Colorado.  You would think we had a ton of tree farms.  No.  Not really any...But.  We have the National Forests.  They have a great program, that for $10 a tree you can come to the parks and cut your tree down.  So that is what we were planning. 

This Sunday was beautiful, with relatively new snow.  And frigid...I mean frigid.  I have become such a wuss since I moved here.  But it was cold.  Even 'down here' it was only going to get up to about 20 degrees.  We loaded the kids in the Durango (keep in mind it is 10 years old, needs new tires and does NOT come with the convenient babysitter of the DVD player).  Off we went.  First gas, cause we didn't really plan ahead, then up to Red Feathers.  The car ride was uneventful, with the exception of me yelling at Abraham that I was going to make him, at different times, either walk home, throw him in a snow bank, or tie him to the roof of the car because of his behavior towards his sister. 

After an hour and a half of sweet Christmas memories (haha), we arrived.  Up the forest road we went.  Forest road, not paved or even, apparently, grated road.  Bounce.  Jounce.  Tumble around...the kids thought it was great.  We finally selected our perfect tree cutting location.  We parked.  We bundled the kids into snow pants, gloves, hats, boots, coats, ummm is there more?  We jimmied ourselves out of the car.  The first thing I noticed was the temperature.  I felt like I was back in Iowa.  In January.  You know (well, if you are from here you don't) that nose hair freezing feeling?  Yes.  Those of you who live in Colorado; your nose hair can actually freeze.  You can also spit, and it freezes before it hits the ground.  Really. 

Anyway,  we got out of the car and began to make our way into the trees.  Remember, this is not a tree farm.  It is a forest.  At high altitude.  In the winter.  There was, literally, snow well past my knees.  That doesn't translate well for the girls!  We began to tromp through the forest looking for our perfect Christmas tree.  Again... 12 degrees.  Deep snow.  Climbing up the mountain.  Oh, and did I mention that it is intermittently snowing?  It is.  Hard.  And that we are in a forest?  Where the wind blows from the same direction all the time.  At approximately 422 miles per hour...FYI there are no perfect trees when the branches are missing from one whole side of the tree.  And they grow in clumps.  After searching for our tree, Scarlett was stranded and crying.  Ivy was cold and crying.  Correction, screaming... the boys were catapulting themselves, repeatedly, into the snow.  So much for my prior "snowbank" threat.  Josh was looking for the alcohol.  Which we neglected to bring.  Bummer. 

Finally, I just pointed to a tree and said "That one!" Then, under my breath, "I don't freaking care!  Just pick a damn tree..."  Then we had to pick two small ones for the kids.  Could they decide?  Of COURSE not.  Then we had to drag them back to the car.  Then we had to tie them on the car.  In the freezing cold.  While the girls were screaming.  And the boys were picking on the girls. And I lost my sunglasses. Which I eventually found in the hood of my parka.  After searching the mountain.  And I just shut the car door and pretended that I didn't hear anything:)  Great parenting. 

Back in the car, back down the forest road.  Trail...  Path...  Whatever.  Paid.  And back on the road to Loveland.  An hour and a half.  Now four tired kids, three Christmas trees, two tired parents, and a partridge in a pear tree.  Noooo, just thought I would keep the Christmas theme going.  We made it home, got the tree up, lit, decorated...and all the kids are still alive.  Thriving even.  How's that for A Miracle on 34th Street?  Or at least A Miracle on Highway 34....

Merry Christmas everyone!  And laugh, at least once during the season, until a little bit of pee comes out!

Seriously. Why does poo smell?

Ok, beyond the science of the matter; decomposing food and the resultant gases, which about exhausts my knowledge of the digestive system, why does poo smell?  At my house, we call it the spinner...cuz it "spins around, spins around, spins around, and bam!" Explodes the food out to the necessary organs. 


Anyway, back to poo.  Why does it have to smell?  I mean really.  With how amazing our bodies are, how efficiently they work, we couldn't take the smell out of it?   And why does it especially smell when you absolutely positively cannot get away from it?  Like in a car, airplane, grocery cart, swimming pool, doctors office, or any other small enclosure? 

And why does it have to be so yucky?  Especially teething diapers?  Is this so we know that the children are teething?  As if the crankiness, drooling mouth, and not eating are not enough clues....

Sorry, I know this is rather disgusting, however after thousands and thousands of diapers I began to wonder about it.  Especially after a horrendously awful diaper today.  And we are supposed to be potty training.  In theory we shouldn't have anymore horrendously awful diapers.  Because we are NOT in diapers.  At least today.  Perhaps we will be back in them tomorrow.  So, if you have any thoughts on why poo smells, I would love to hear what you think.  This applies to grownups as well. 

Disney...the happiest place on Earth

Yep.  I case you haven't been this is most DEFINITELY the happiest place on earth.  For sure.  When you first get there, you are greeted with love, peace, and kindness.   Certainly, a far cry from pushing, shoving, and shelling out.  Then the real fun begins!  Which ride first?! Pirates for the boys?  Snow White for the girls?  Tower of Terror for the fast passes?  AHHHHH! 

As the day progresses, a pattern emerges; boy ride, girl ride, parent ride, with parent swap and usually a boy who is convinced he is going to DIE.  As if I would spend 10 million dollars to knock them off at DISNEY WORLD.  There are FAR cheaper ways.  I noticed that each and every ride ended in a little gift shop.  Try toting four young children and a husband through a gift shop after all rides.  Then you have all the happy parents!  and happy children!  and happy employees! 

All kidding aside, going to Florida with the kids really was fun; we had a blast at Disney/Epcot/Hollywood Studios.  I experienced spending 12 dollars for a half bottle of wine that I drank straight out of the bottle...Then renting a car and driving across Florida (which apparently isn't all that attractive unless you live on the beach!)  and settling ourselves in 'our' beach house for a week.  We had fabulous weather, great sand castles, and saw some really amazing sites, right from our front porch.  I also discovered a fun bug cleverly called "No See Ums" as you can't see um!  They bite like mad as the sun goes down and leave these great bites that itch like none other.  Think mosquito bites on steroids! 

On the plus side, we say dolphins, sting rays, and tons of fish.  We 'hunted' starfish, shells, and fighting conchs.  We got to hang with grandma and grandpa as well as aunt Sandi and uncle Vern.  Overall, a very successful trip!  I needed a vacation from the vacation. 

Bath Time

When you first have a baby, you think longingly ahead to bathing your precious little one.  Snuggling them, loving on them, cuddling them and getting them all ready for bed.  The truth of the matter is that, just like all things involving children, it is a LOT of work.  Yes, there are moments of snuggling, fun, and cuddling.  But, the majority of the moments involve wrestling, getting wet (you, not them), and wrestling some more.  It is a wrestling match to get them OUT of their clothes and INTO the tub.  Once there they, of course, have a blast!  Especially if you sing to them.  Josh has always done the tub time...it is one of the 'joys' that he took over when we first had James.  He has developed a great routine and has a great time with the kids.  But he usually ends up more wet than the children.  Which is really saying something as they are actually in the water and he isn't. 

Then you go to get them out of the water.  Remembering how they didn't want to get in, you would think they would be super excited to get out.  Nope.  Now it is a wrestling match to get them out.  And dry.  And dressed.  Is it no wonder that we are exhausted come bedtime?!  And sweating? 

Sometimes, like tonight, the joys of bath time don't stop there.  Abraham was in the shower, James and I were in the kitchen cleaning up from supper, and daddy had the girls in the tub for bath.  I heard him singing and playing with them; pretty soon I heard him get Ivy out while Scarlett finished.  No big deal.  She comes toddling out of her room with daddy chasing her down the hall, comb in hand.  Of course, at that moment, the doorbell rings with a neighbor girl selling something.  So, while I was taking care of the necessary purchases, daddy finished combing the monster. Then he got preoccupied with the mail....I went back to the kitchen....and realized in a few minutes that we hadn't heard from Ivy in a bit.  THAT is scary.  She is CRAZY.  I mean really and truly CRAZY.  Pray for me.  Or her.  Noooo, I'm thinking me...  Just as I'm asking Josh where Ivy is, we hear Scarlett from the bathroom..."Mom!  Ivy's in here!"  This in itself is not a huge deal.  She likes to go in and watch her sister finish her bath. 

I respond with, "Ok, daddy's coming!"  Nothing like passing the buck...So in he goes.  Just for the record that is NOT what she meant.  She really meant that Ivy was IN here.  Literally.  In.  The.  Tub. 


What can you do but laugh until a little bit of pee comes out!

Canning

Ahhh, the wonderful turn of the seasons.  The weather is getting cooler.  The veggies are getting ripe in the garden, the leaves are turning, OR, there is this version of autumn:  the flies are on the attack, the spiders are trying to get in, the pollen is so thick it coats every horizontal (and some vertical) surfaces in the house.

But really, I love fall.  I love the cool mornings and warm afternoons.  I love the rainy days.  The combo of jeans and a tshirt. Celebrating SIX birthdays.  The mountains stained gold with aspen leaves, and harvesting the literal fruits of my labor.  I haven't done a garden for a few years.  It was too much for me to take on with either being pregnant or nursing.  However, I thought the kids, this year, might enjoy it.  I did have ulterior motives though.  I was thinking that they (the herd) might actually eat the vegetables that we planted, weeded and watched grow.  We did just a few.  I wanted success with minimal work, in an effort to include everyone and encourage excitement.  We did three different tomatoes, peppers, shallots, watermelon, zucchini, and spaghetti squash.  I am happy to say we had a great harvest!  I have spaghetti squash coming out my ears.  Tomatoes are riping, zucchini's are terrific.  The watermelon...not so much.  And the rabbits really like cherry tomatoes.  But, overall, it was successful.

With all that said, what to do with all this lovely produce?!  So, I decided to can a few things.  Give me a break.  I have four kids, a dog, a cat, three frogs, and a husband.  Oh, and I work for Josh and am starting my own company as well.  And now I'm going to can.  What am I thinking?!  Keep it simple, right?  So, I decided to stick with two kinds of salsa, the traditional tomato and a sweet corn, green beans, peaches, zucchinis, and spaghetti squash.  Go big or go home.  I will spare you the gory details...but HOLY SMOKES.  This is a LOT of work.  I have a whole new respect for our ancestors who had to can to get their families through the winter.  Without the benefit of air conditioning, gas stoves, and running water.  And King Soopers as a back up.

We now have quite of bit of produce stored on the shelves and in the freezer.  I am rather proud of myself and feel some affinity with long gone, prairie women of old.  There is something primal about canning.  Or perhaps I'm just delusional with the heat and work of it all!  Come see me, and enjoy some sweet corn salsa and store bought chips! 

Bananas and Milk

When I was a little girl, mom would sometimes make this yummy treat for me.  I love bananas and milk.  I don't particularly love bananas, but there is something about having them sliced up, with sugar, and milk of course.  It still makes me feel all warm and good when I eat it. 

The other day we were doing the normal breakfast chaos.  Someone is always needing something, and either the milk, cereal, or both get spilled.  It is inevitable. I always think about doing a big breakfast, but rarely get it done.  Saturday's are our "Pancake Day" but that is about it.  Anyway, on the particular day, I left the kitchen for awhile.  BIG mistake.  Duh.  Of course it was a big mistake.  I knew it before I left the room. 

We have the boys sitting by the girls at the table, with Josh and I on the ends in the hopes of splitting up the boys fighting and perhaps even lending a hand with the girls.  Sometimes it even works.  So, I left.  Everyone was sitting down, breakfast was on the table, vitamins were served, milk was poured.  We were good. 

When I came back in, I thought we had made it.  The boys and Scarlett had put their dishes in the washer, the cereal was put away, and no children were in sight.  I commenced the clean up.  Put Ivy's dishes away, wiping the counter and table.  Putting the milk away.  As I grabbed the lid for the milk, I noticed there seemed to be some kind of weird substance on the rim.  Hmmm.  Never good.  So I investigated further.  Sniff.  Hmmm, bananas.  Look.  Hmmm looks like bananas floating in the milk.  Bet you didn't know that I was a scientist did you?  Anyway, by process of elimination, mainly, Ivy was the only child who ate bananas for breakfast, and the fact that the gallon of milk was strategically placed near her booster, I used my deductive reasoning and figured out that she had not eaten her breakfast as I had first thought, but instead had made her own version of bananas and milk. 

Great.  I really did think about just leaving it.  How awful could it be anyway?  Just for the record I did not leave it.  I strained the bananas out.  I also seriously considered making my own bananas and milk from her bananas, but figured that wasn't so great either; besides, I couldn't get the bananas out of the carton.  And crisis number 2 of the day had already begun. 

Princess and the Frog

No, this posting is not about the movie.  I wish.  I don't have that life.  Not that I really want it...Oh, wait.  Yes I do!  No this posting is, shockingly, about Scarlett.  She is the princess.  Of course.  On this particular day she was Snow White.  

Blogger Interlude...

She has also been Belle, from Beauty and the Beast and Ariel from The Little Mermaid.  We even had a melt down after she was in bed one night.  She comes creeping out of her room; I can always hear them coming, I'm just never sure which them it is that is going to make an appearance.  Most of the time it is Abraham.  Shocking.  I know.  Anyway, this particular night it was Scarlett.  She was really upset.  Big, old, fat tears pouring down her face.  I couldn't for the life of me figure out what could have traumatized her that much that quickly.  Eventually I was able to ascertain that she was deeply troubled by the fact that she couldn't be Rapunzel.  From Tangled.  Ummmm...really?  And I have to figure out a solution to this now?  While I'm drinking my wine?  Great.  So we discuss how pretty she is, and how she has this attribute and that attribute.  Finally, it comes down to the dress.  She doesn't have a purple one like Rapunzel.  I did what any good mommy would do.  I promised to buy her one, if she would only go to bed.  It worked. 

Anyway, back to Snow White.  The kids were outside playing.  And Scarlett, aka Snow White, was out with the boys.  I generally don't let her play unsupervised, but it was hot.  And I had work to do.  So I was watching from the front windows.   They were so cute.  They were riding bikes, walking around, and catching frogs.  Yep.  Catching frogs.  OK, so Abraham was catching the little (well, not so little) critters and James and Scarlett were watching.  As I watched Bram go after one, I had the thought that he looked a bit like a frog himself.  He is all legs, and he squats down and sort of hops after them....

Anyway, a couple minutes later I look back out the windows and see Scarlett holding a frog.  Or, maybe, squeezing the life out of it.  As she holds it up to her face, I think: hmmm;  her favorite prince is Navin (Princess and the Frog).  She is not thinking that if she kisses this toad that he is gonna appear, right?  I don't  really know the answer to that.  I'm hoping no, but think probably yes.  Outside I go....

So, because of the infatuation with frogs/toads (what is the difference, anyway) I decided to try for the Coolest Mom of the Day Award.  We went to Pet Smart and bought, TA DA....three fire belly toads.  They live in an aquarium thingy in may living room.  They are not allowed to live in bedrooms because I am afraid they will be set free.  I am afraid they will be set free in the living room as well, but at least I might notice their absence there.  That brings us to four children, one dog, one cat, one husband, and three frogs.  OMG.  They eat crickets...and have to have a light.  For right now, I have the children convinced it is not healthy to touch the toads, but am not sure how long I can milk that for.  Oh, and they named them of course.  The three older ones got to name them of course.  James's is Monet, because he likes art.  Abraham's is Pascal, because he likes science.  (I don't think this is true.  I think he likes blowing things up.)  And Scarlett's?  Hers is Cinderella. 

Sweet Summer

When I think of summer, the usual comes to mind.  Ice cream cones.  Days at the pool, hot afternoons, sprinkler, AC, kool aid, sun tans, etc. However, while sitting outside with the kids this morning, before it got too hot, I realized that summer is maybe a bit different than I remember as kid.  First, I don't remember it being so hot.  I know it must have been, but then it is age that is making it hotter!

The other major difference is the fact that I'm a mom.  Of babies, toddlers, and boys.  Oh, the boys.  Abraham especially.  And Ivy.  Who is obviously not a boy, but whatever.  Those two together are CRAZY.  It brings our prior craziness to a whole new level.  As we were hanging out together on the driveway, I watched the kids attempt to climb a tree.  While that in itself is not a huge deal, the fact that they were using a huge green BALL to stand on to reach the lowest branch makes it a bigger deal.  Scarlett and James held the ball while Abraham stood on it reaching waaaaay up into the tree for the tree branch.  And what did I do while they were attempting this asinine stunt?  I went to get my camera of course! 

The second adventure that we had this morning involves the youngest boy and girl.  Those two are peas in a pod as far as wild is concerned.  Apparently this stunt started when daddy was home watching the kids; I'd like to say I wouldn't have allowed it, but I probably would have.  After all, I am letting it continue, and I took video!  We have this speed bike, as it is aptly named by the children; it is a one person bike thingy that you sit on.  You are supposed to move the handle back and forth to make it go, but we have never really done that.  Abraham claimed this as his bike early on, and has since been out to break all speed records on the thing.  He races down the neighbors driveway and crashes into the grass.  At least he doesn't go down ours, right?  As it is steeper and has a corner.  Yeah, right.  He can go faster down ours and then crash land in the grass.  And usually tip over....

Wellllll, apparently Ivy has watched her brother do this.  Don't call social services, I won't let her go down the driveway alone, and not for lack of trying....now she sits on the back of the bike with Abraham and they zoom down drive and crash into the grass together.  She can't get enough of it...OMG.  Imagine the two of them behind the wheel of a car in a few years!

Father's Day

Dear Dad,

I was so lucky to grow up with two amazing parents who loved us and each other. The kind who are always there, support you-even your dumb ideas, and pick you up and brush you off whenever you fall down.  But you, dad,  have always been on a pedestal.  You taught me to snow ski, water ski, and bike ride; built tree forts, snow forts, and box forts. We did doughnuts, ate ice cream, and kept secrets (or so I thought) from mom. As I have gotten older, you and mom have gotten smarter, cooler, and wiser-which is not at ALL the same as smarter.

I have learned much from watching you; most good! I learned how a mom and wife should be treated, how people should be treated, how dogs should be treated. I learned how to take care of a garage, car, and a boat!  I learned to joke and take a joke. Laugh and laugh at myself. Respect the military and love my country.

While I have grown up, moved away, and started my own family, keeping close to you, mom, and Bud are a huge priority. I can think of no greater compliment when someone tells me I'm like you or mom.  As I suppose is inevitable, your pedestal resumed normal size-but I love you even more for being human. It is much easier to look up to and respect you for your imperfections, knowing you see mine and look past them, too.

So, on this Father's Day, I wanted to say thank you. For being a great dad, husband, and friend. Love you...

VBS

I have some great friends.  A couple of them work for the church we attend; so it makes sense that I volunteer for the church, both because of my friends and because my children are a part of children's ministry. 

A couple months ago, Kristy, a dear friend of mine, asked me if I would handle the crafts for the summer VBS program.  I said yes.  As if I don't have enough on my plate, I decided that I needed to take on crafts for 200 children too.  And, as I found out, this is an outreach VBS.  So, every craft we make, we make one to give away too.  Therefore, it is not 200 crafts, but 400.  Did I mention that I don't really like children?  Nevermind that I have four of my own...and I really don't like chaos.  Or messes.  Or lots of excessive noise. 

Day one was pretty basic, just coloring t shirts and making books, Tuesday we made I Spy bottles for the children's hospital.  There was rice from one end of that building to the other.  Today we colored and stuffed travel pillows for the homeless.  Tomorrow we are painting welcome mats on carpet samples for the local orphanage.  Friday we are making greeting cards with seed packets on them.  As organized as I am, there is a lot of running around.  We decided today that it would be wise to have tablecloths down for the welcome mats.  AND we decided that we were going to control the paint and the refilling of the paint! 

And then there is Ivy.  She doesn't like to be away from me, and normally I would just put her in the kids room, but I'm afraid to do this for five days in a row, for 4 hours in a row!  They might kick me out, craft or no craft!  So she attends the craft project with me. 

I have some great helpers, who are as organized as I am, and I love them!  I have also discovered that I really like seeing my children come through and do their crafts...and then have them move on.  They are so cute!  The kids seem to be having a great time and are learning a lot.  I haven't decided if I'm doing VBS again next year, we shall see.  For now, all I can say is I'm tired:)  I have also decided that VBS should not stand for just Vacation Bible School.  Not sure there is a lot of Vacation in it.  I think VBS should stand for Very Busy Summer!

My panties are wet.

It has been a couple of crazy weeks. .. although I'm not sure when it isn't crazy. We had a friend come over for dinner, along with her two kiddos; we were hanging out having a great time. We decided to have the kids go outside because the weather was so perfect. As we are hanging around, Scarlett starts to do the pee dance. So, feeling very motherly, I say "Scarlett, do you have to pee?" I'm not sure what it is about this question, but the response is always "NO!" As it was in this case; with an immediate ceasefire of the pee dance. A few minutes pass; the pee dance resumes. I once again inquire as to the status of her bladder. Once again receiving a negative. A few more minutes, the dancing continues, I ask once again. However, this time she says Yes! (no way!) and starts to make for the door. I assume all is well. Then I look back over my shoulder and discover that Scarlett is dinking around. Now, I'm not exactly a patient person, but I try... except that I, by this time, have to pee because I've spent the last 15 minutes watching her have to pee.

So I yell at her to get inside and pee before she has an accident. She looks at me like I'm stupid-I somehow don't think this is the last time-when she has the accident. Yep. She pees all over the place. I make it a general rule not to yell at the kids when they have a potty accident, but, seriously?! Now she is standing in a puddle of her own making, walking toward the house. Little, wet, smelly Scarlett footprints. Making a beeline for my somewhat clean house. Uhhh...no. "ST0P!!" She wants to know why. "Because you are covered in pee!" Ok, she agrees with that. So we decide to strip. Yes. In front of everyone. We get her dress off and she is standing in her scivies and she says "Mama, my panties are wet!" Well gee, honey that's what happens when we pee our pants. I didn't bother to tell her this happens to me regularly...because after four babies, I sometimes laugh so hard a little bit of pee comes out!

This particular blog is dedicated to my Aunt Sally who was unexpectedly called home last week. She loved her girls, her grandchildren, and her husband. She loved her brother and sister, and her neices and nephews, of which I was proud to be one. We talked, laughed, and told stories. I don't regret anything-except maybe not talking to her more. She called me Sarahbear and laughed with me about my crazy kids. I loved the sound of her raspy voice. I hate that she is gone from us, but am so glad she got those extra 7 years. Love you Aunt Sal.

Oma's Solo Babysitting Adventure

Josh and I were extremely fortunate to be able to go to the Dominican Republic with a couple of friends.  Mom was gracious enough to come watch the kiddos while we were gone.  So I asked her if she would like to do a guest spot on my blog.  She agreed.  This is what follows!

 

Dropping in for a long weekend or even having the Nelson's visit for a week at our home in Iowa does not prepare a 62 year old Grandma to fly solo with the 4 grandchildren, cat and dog for 5 days. I had to fly out 2 days early to be trained - oh yeah, I needed every bit of training I could get.

You would think raising two children of my own that I would remember how to change a diaper (especially a messy one - gag). You gotta be quick! Otherwise it can lead to disaster.

Bath time should be a fun time right? Well when you have to bend over the tub with a bad back, and kneel on that hard ceramic tile....not so much. The hardest part is moving quickly before you get a face full of water from the splashing.

Speaking of water....the two older boys have a bathroom all of their own. (I remember one bath per household?) Anyway, one night I went down to get them into bed after their showers, and the bathroom floor was a swimming pool. Water everywhere - when asked who might have been the culprit, two sets of very innocents eyes said "I didn't do it!". So being fair and equitable, I made them both clean it up and take the towels to the dryer. The boys in general were really good, and helpful. Sarah has a list of their daily chores, and boy do they get their stuff done. Not sure why I didn't think of that 30 years ago. But with 4 kids, guess you have to have some organization to it all.

Wow, how much "stuff" can you take to bed at night? I mean it just isn't your favorite blanket anymore. It's at least 4 books, flashlight, 3 stuffed animals, a plastic scary looking crab, toys, water bottles - and you have to remember each child has a certain routine with lights that are left on, and those that you have to go back after an hour and either turn off or dim. The pillows have to be arranged exactly the same, doors either closed or ajar. Unfortunately, I had to make lists for each kid.

The lists. OK, sorry, my TV turns on with one remote. Again I had an entire page of notes on how to put a movie into the DVD player. AND it took 3 remotes to do it. Can you believe that. Worse thing is - James and Bram know how to do it without ANY notes. And then there is the Nintendo and Wii thing. How do they expect you to keep all this electronic stuff straight ?? But I can bake cookies...and I did make 2 batches in 5 days. Along with 15 meals and 40 snack requests. Phone lists, grocery lists, bedtime lists, emergency phone number lists, medication lists, take out and delivery list, it goes on and on.

With the schedule of the boys going to school by 7:30 am on 3 of the 5 days I thought it wise to get up early enough to take a shower and be dressed before breakfast time. I just didn't feel safe enough taking a shower with a 16 month and 3 year old left to fend for themselves while I took a shower - I know Sarah can do this with ease, Me not so much. SO to get this accomplished I was up at 5:15 AM. I thought I was retired! But, Scarlett fooled me, she was up at 5:00 AM ready to start her day. I convinced her to play grandma and lay in my bed all covered up and watch TV. Enabling me to take the coveted morning shower in peace. I deftly put her to bed later the next night.

Pets are wonderful. I love my pets, always have. Love Sarah's dog Lucy and cat Anna. However, do I have to sleep with them? I mean those two needed to lay right up tight and personal to me at night. All night, every night. Not wanting to "rock the boat" I thought surely they will move away during the night - but no, Lucy especially was there all night. And she likes to get up in the middle of the night and circle around and plop down again. I didn't think a 40 pound dog could shake the bed so much. The cat loved me, I felt thankful that she loved me and that it wasn't the horror story of the Nelson's first cat - Tiger. Tiger only liked Josh. And it scared me to death, I wouldn't be in the same room with the cat - ever!

 

Sarah and Josh are very blessed to have 4 lovely children. They are all so fun and have different personalities. I really do not have a favorite (or do I). I always bring gifts when I come - this time I crammed two - not one - soccer balls in my carry on. Whatever you have to do. The boys loved them of course. I did some sewing for the girls - the normal gifty things, but did bring Scarlett a Snow white dress and crown - she is big into Snow White. She was so excited with it, had to wear it for 24 hours straight. She said "Grandma, you are the Best". I am thinking I am such a wonderful grandma......it was short lived. When I scolded her for coloring on the ottoman (completely covering it I might add)

She promptly told me that I was "NOT the Best anymore."

As Sarah would say...I laughed so hard a little bit of pee came out.........in my case not so unusual.

Funny things kids say

We kept a list of all the silly things the kids said on our recent trip. I have gotten into the habit of, and keep a journal of, silly/ funny/ cute words the kids say; so it was easy to write down a list while we were gone.  

They totally crack me up sometimes. Some of the crazy stuff is so the age they are; some is just because they are... well... crazy.

So, here goes the list...

1. "My Penis is scared"- Abraham; when going up, before we went down on the Atlantis Ride.
2.  "Ice! That is so cool!"  James after I made ice - rather than having it dispense from the frig like at home.
3.  "Oh. They are real." James in regards to the penguins we saw at Sea World.  Did he think they were fake?
4.   Singing... "Your butt is cute and you're pooping!" -Abraham. Hmmm
5.   "I put chapstick on my tummy. Ivy's too. And my legs. And my face. And I wrote letters on here (the dresser) for you." -Scarlet; that was fun to clean up.
6.  "Sea World has lots of seas." James. Ummm, well yes it does.
7.  "Does Lego land have Lego's?" -Scarlett. Really?
8.  "Can I get in the mud?" -Scarlett. Let me think about that for .2 seconds.  ah, no.
9.   While riding in the car, "Mom?"
      "Yes?"
      "Do they have schools here?" (Meaning in California)
      "Yes..."
      "Where are they then. That's the question." -Both boys
10.  While walking up the sidewalk to enter the park, "Look! It's a Lego bird!" -James: about a regular, old, black, bird sitting on the entrance sign.
11.  "Lego's have mass"- James. Mass? Are you kidding me? Mass? Sheesh. Not what I was thinking.   I was closer to..."Wow, that's cool."
12.  This isn't anything said because it was Ivy and she has a very limited vocabulary. But in the elevator she was playing pin ball And she was the ball. It was quite funny to watch her bounce off the walls and door of the elevator. Repeatedly.
13. Last one, I think. One of the few things Ivy says is "snack" but she draws out the "sn" and says it over and over and over until you give her something to eat. "Snnnack.  Snnnack. Snnnack. Snnnack.  Snnnack.  Snnnack."

I love my kids soooo much.  And I love how they think.  It just cracks me up!

Swimming with Dolphins

We decided it would be fun to take the kids on a trip. Josh has been working a million hours... So as a reward for the children we planned to surprise everyone and take them to Legoland and Sea World in California. Four kids on a plane, at two theme parks, the ocean, restaurants, public bathrooms, rental car, sun, wind, and did I mention four kids? Yea. Fun. That's what I'm thinking. I have planned my next few blogs around this trip, so please bear with me. Or is it bare with me? Hmmm.  Can't remember.

Ok, so Sea World is a bit on the Nazi side with their animals. I get it. When you have 9 million people trying to feed the dolphins their leftover lunch, it can get annoying.  We were winding down the day; Scarlett had the map and was very proudly carrying it everywhere. We wandered over to this GIGANTIC pool where there were about a dozen dolphins swimming around. It was SUPER crowded because you could actually touch the dolphins. Scarlett couldn't see very well, so she climbed out of the stroller; then she asked if I could pick her up. I did so. There was a short, but thick wall, so I leaned her back on me and rested her feet on the wall. It was a bit breezy.  No, she didn't go for a swim. The map did.

Crystal clear pool, 12 dolphins, 4127 people,  1 park person telling all about these "amazing creatures, but PLEASE don't put anything into the pool except your hands"; 1 screaming, tired, hungry, now map less 3-year-old, 1 paper map floating away in the pool. By now all 4127 people are looking at us and I'm trying to get the attention of park girl without interrupting her spiel.  Which is being heard by all 4127 people.  Or was.  Not easy. Even for someone as proficient in sign language as I am. So I finally get her attention, or it could have been Scarlett screaming and crying out to the now drowning map.  Park girl stayed calm, but immediately called for backup. While the reinforcements were arriving, I put the crazy, crying toddler down and went to see if I could reach the map without going swimming myself. Or drowning myself. Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted to swim with dolphins, but this wasn't the appropriate time or place. And I didn't have a bathing suit. Or a towel. All this time, I'm convinced we are going to get kicked out of Sea World. We are going to blacklisted from all theme parks for time immemorial, perhaps we won't be able to get on a plane. Ever again.

So, I'm leaning into the pool praying for a breeze, when something really cool happens. No, I didn't fall in. A dolphin swam up, picked up the map in his mouth and BROUGHT it back to me.  He handed (or whatever you call it when an animal with no hands gives you something) the map to me. Then I petted his nose and head, took it, and got the hell out of there. As far as I know, we aren't blacklisted. Yet. What can you do, but laugh until a little bit of pee comes out!

Hide and Seek, with a cell phone

It has been a looooong weekend.  You would think the weather would be great at this time of the year and a long weekend from school and celebrating Easter would be awesome!  Nope.  Rainy and yucky all weekend.  Kids were stuck inside, and therefore, by default, so were we.  I shouldn't complain about the rain.  It rarely happens and Colorado is extremely dry, which will of course result in wildfires, which will cause me to complain later! 

Anyway, after spending the weekend chasing  the children around, it struck me at all the places that I have and have not found my phone.  I understand that this particular blog may be more my fault than the other blogs, but so be it.  About a year ago, Josh and I made the jump to the 21st century and dropped our home phone.  I haven't really missed it all that much, except for two small problems.  One:  we have terrible cell phone reception here.  Whenever I talk to someone I have to confine myself to the front of the house.  The dining room.  Chair. In the window.  And not move.  Sometimes not breathe.  So I cannot get ANYTHING done when I am on the phone.  I would be better off with a dial and cord.  At least most of those old phones were in the kitchen where I spend a large portion of my day. 

Two:  I have discovered, that if you misplace the cell phone, you cannot call it to listen for the ring if you don't have another phone from which to dial.  You also can't call your husband to call you so you can listen for the ring.  Hmmm.  This would normally not be a problem if you weren't me and constantly either setting the silly thing down in the dumbest places or letting your children play with the phone.  For the record, Josh and I have very different philosophies regarding cell phone usage.  I believe that if it keeps them (the children) quiet for 5 seconds, let them play with it (have you seen Talking Tom?!).  He does not.  He is probably right.  I would have FAR fewer problems with the phone and its missing status if I didn't let them haul it around with them.  And kept it somewhere logical, like the counter. Or my purse.  Which resembles Target, but smaller.  A little smaller. 

So in keeping with my title, here are a few places where my phone (and rarely Josh's) has turned up.  Sheepishly, I have to say, most of these are my fault, but not all.  I will leave the figuring out which ones are mine and which are not, up to you dear reader. 

1.  The back of the toilet. 

2.  The trash can in the bathroom.

3.  Stuck behind the car seat in the car.

4.  The walking trail.

5.  Wedged between the seat and consul of the car. 

6.  A sweatshirt pocket thrown up in the top shelf of the closet.

7.  The washer. 

8.  The dryer.

9.  The toy box.

10.  Abraham's room.  Which, even after he cleans it up, looks like a bomb went off.

11.  Gym bag.

12.  Pantry.

13.  In the toilet.  The water was clean.  And yes it still works. 

14.  Under the couch.

15.  In the cushions.  Of the couch, chair, bed.  Upstairs and down.

16.  Under my bed. 

17.  Under Scarlett's bed.

18.  Under Ivy's bed.

19.  Under James's bed.  (Just for the record, I hate that there is an 's after s names.)

20.  Under Abraham's bed. 

21.  The 'high' counter.

22.  In the bed.

23.  In the store room.

24.  In the cat food.

25.  In the dog food.

26.  In the garage.

27.  In the stroller.

28.  In my purse after I swear I have checked it 37 times.

29.  Under the car.

30.  On the deck. 

31.  In the yard.  On a rock.

32.  At Starbucks.

33.  On the running board of the car.

34.  In papa's 4 wheeler.

35. In the boat.

36.  Jeans pocket.  Some 394 times.

37.  In my hand.

38.  In the cupboard.  With the dishes.

39.  In the gravel.

40.  By the fire pit.

Also for the record, I have yet to really lose the phone.  Mostly due to the fact that I bribe the children.  Whoever can find my phone first gets a piece of candy or a quarter!  Lucky kids!

A & D uses

You wouldn't think A & D would have more than the obvious uses. Oh but it does. It does quite well with what you think. Diaper rash.  I think it is my favorite diaper rash ointment. Is it sad that I have a favorite diaper rash ointment?  I am afraid that last question may have diminished my status. . . ah well.

So here area few of my favorites, if not so well known, uses of A& D:

1. Toothpaste. I don't have a clue how this could happen-have you smelled this stuff? 
2. Lotion. Again, the smell. But it works wonders on really dry skin.
3. ChapStick. Similar to #2, except it tastes as bad as it smells. But it really works well... if you don't chew your lips.
4. You can use it to get off stuck jewlery.
5. Fingernail polish.
6. Windex. Scarlett was attempting to use into wash her mirror during quiet time.  Fantastic.
7. It cures diaper rash on dolls, too.
8. It works really well to clean doll clothes. Well, not really. It just makes them slimy and smelly. 
9. Apparently, you can put A&D on the cat as well. I never got the answer to my "why?" But I'm sure there is a really, really good reason for it. I just don't know what it is.
10. This can also be used on dishes. Again, I have NO idea why we were putting it on the dishes, but, I'm sure there was some purpose.
11. Teether. Ivy loves to chew on the tube when her teeth hurt. I'm afraid she is going to bite a hole in it, so I have to keep it hidden from her. Perhaps I should keep it hidden from everyone. 

Apparently A&D should be a controlled substance. At least in my house. I had no idea the uses for it. I somehow doubt I have seen the end of the creativity.  What can you do... but laugh until a little bit of pee comes out!

13 Things I haven't learned while being a mommy

I have learned innumerable things while being a mom.  I was going to blog about that, then realized that if you have kids, you too have learned these things.  And it sounded a little too much like that poster "All I needed, I learned in Kindergarten".  So I decided that I would go the other way!

1.  I have NOT learned how to fold a fitted sheet.  I have even looked it up on Google.  Yes there are directions there.  No they are not clear.  I have tried the suggestions.  Gotten help from Martha.  Gotten help from a former student who was in the Army.  Gotten help from my mom.  Nada.  Can't do it.  Now I just sort of guess, and end up wadding it up.  If you ever stay at my house, the sheets will be clean.  Probably.  But not well folded. 

2.  Making coffee.  I love coffee.  Drink it every day.  Can't make it.  My lovely husband makes it; when he is gone or forgets, I bribe James.  I either make it too strong or too weak.  I can cook just about anything, apparently coffee isn't in that group. 

3.  Keep the Tupperware straight.  I have tried.  I have kept the lids on when not in use.    I have kept the lids off when not in use.  I have bundled the lids up, I have thrown the lids in.  I have even shoved it all in and slammed the door shut.  I have a newer set now that was supposed to help.  The lids stick to the bottom.  Yeah, right.  Apparently they aren't toddler proof.  But they are husband proof.  

4.  Keep the floors clean.  I remember the days when I would sweep the kitchen and it would still look pretty good in a week or so.  Not anymore.  I am LUCKY to get through a meal.  I sweep several times a day and am still amazed at the amount I can collect in the dust pan each time. Not just under the table either.  I swear it breeds.  I know when I haven't swept for awhile too as Josh starts to wear shoes in the kitchen to avoid getting the crumbs on his feet. 

5.  Pull the car into the garage.  Come on.  How hard can this really be?  Apparently, for me, it is up there on the difficulty scale.  I either pull it too far in, and squash the ladder between the car and the wall, or I don't pull it in far enough and the door shuts on it.  I have contemplated putting in one of those hanging golf ball things, but that reeks of 'old' and I can't do it.Yet.

6.   Clip coupons.  I know.  It saves money.  But I don't get it done.  And the few times that I have remembered to cut them out, I either leave them in the car or in my purse upon checkout. 

7.  I haven't learned how to load the dishwasher.  I am of a mind that if you can get it in there, the machine will get it clean.  Not sure what I'm thinking here.  Maybe there are little men who march out of the sprayers and scrub the dishes?  Or maybe there is some kind of sensor that tells it that it is overfull and to bring out the turbo spray?  I don't know, nor really care.  I have a lot to take care of, the least the machine could do is get the damn dishes clean.  I don't care if they are double stacked or not!

8.  Use the loopy things on clothes to hang them up?  Huh.  This one is way beyond me.  I don't get it.  I'll  just fold it. 

9.  This goes with #8.  Iron.  I despise ironing.  It is hot.  It is a pain.  It's constant.  It doesn't last.  And I don't know how.  Please don't offer to teach me.  I don't want to know.  I will say the few times that I have tried to iron, I get one side all nice looking and start to feel ok about it, then I flip it over and do the other side.  By the time I finish, the first side has one or two GIANT creases in it.  Fabulous. 

10.  Sew on buttons.  I have developed a love of hand sewing.  Don't laugh.  But. I. Don't. Like. Sewing. On. Buttons.  First, I don't ever get it lined up straight, so then the button is crooked comopared with all his button buddies.  Or I somehow bunch the fabric and it comes out wrinkled.  Or I don't think about the thread color and use black on a white button down shirt.  Or I draw blood because I'm just that clumsy.  I also seem to have trouble getting the needle to find the proper hole of the button.  Either I ram it into the button, or I come up in the same place I just was.

11.  Play make believe.  I love my kids.  I love their imaginations.  I do not love playing imagination with my kids.  I can get on the floor with the best of intentions, but I am rapidly bored.  I don't make doll conversations.  I don't make superhero conversations.  If you want to construct a block city, I'm in.  Play with said city...not so much.

12.  Bake.  I wish I could.  Kind of.  I have no will power, so the more I bake, the more I eat.  However, it would be nice to have cookies or cake or other sweets occasionally.  Nope.  Not sure if it is the altitude or the attitude, but I have stopped trying.  I will certainly provide for the bake sale.  But it will most definitely be break and bake. Kudos Pillsbury! 

13.  How to keep a nose clean.  After four kids teething their way through the first two years, you would think I would be a professional nose wiper or have come up with something that stops the constant drip. Nope.  We struggle with every wipe of the tissue.  It becomes a battle where I have to wrestle them down, pin their arms, and hold their head still just to get a good swipe.   It's a blast.

I'm sure there is more, but I have to go make dinner now.  I don't know about you, but I did NOT learn all I needed in Kindergarten.  Or elementary, high school, college or 15 years of marriage!  These are just a few of the items that I cannot do.  What can you do... but laugh til a little bit of pee comes out!